If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
