I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dicks are not precious.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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