I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
porn star boner night. come get it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
