Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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