I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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