Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
