its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If I die, sorry about rent.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
