As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
