Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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