weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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