remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
