Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
