3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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