you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
