if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
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