Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
