Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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