Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
