I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
