you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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