felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
