I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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