definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize