And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
