just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize