Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
