Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
