you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
