you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
