piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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