p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
