Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
so much tequila, so little girl.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
