you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
