i just wanna soil my oats bro
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
