He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
