I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
