she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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