and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
