so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
