9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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