Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
