Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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