Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
