peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
