You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
