Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
