Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
