Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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