Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
