Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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