I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
