Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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