Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
