life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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