Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
