she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
