woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
