Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
