ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
they need to just BURY HIM!
This house was built for laser tag.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
