He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
