'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
