Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
