operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
