i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
