Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
