Kiss
Puke
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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