i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
